An Explanation - You Brought Out The Worst In Me

An Explanation - You Brought Out The Worst In Me

Hello again everyone, welcome to another behind the scenes post. I figured it would be a good idea to do a series on my music and explanations behind the songs.

First of all, this song was actually a rewrite of my original song "Brain Damage" by Jaye Ward and the Apprehensives. I rewrote it because that track and artist name didn't feel like my style. To change your name across platforms, you have to have a new release or re-release an old song. I felt the former was a better option anyway. I think Brain Damage is good, but it was written mainly to cater to people other than myself.


One thing that I absolutely must have in my music, is a clear cut meaning. I can't stand music that is too vague. That is why pop is so difficult for me to get into. I like like to add intricacies to my work like, weird syllable allocation and an elevated vocabulary. I think this song definitely exemplifies these themes.

But what is this song even about?

A long time ago, I met a girl. It took me a while to come around but eventually I admitted to her that I loved her. She said it first, I told her I'd think about it. Eventually it got to a point where she'd had to move back to her hometown. We already knew that was part of the plan when we started dating and that we'd have to commute for a bit. After about a year of commuting 3 hours back and forth, alternating who drives on which weekend, we decided to move in together. 


I honestly didn't want to but I felt pressured to because her friends were counting on me to sign our new lease so they could also move out. So I did, and moved 3 hours away from all of my friends and family. Let me tell you. If anyone says that their move was easy, they're a f*cking liar. If you don't know anyone and live completely off the grid then maybe it would be a little easier, but when you move, you don't have any sort of support structure, unless you know people in the place you're moving. I only knew like 3 people other than my then roommates. I became life-long friends with my co-workers after a little while, but when I first got there, I was shitting bricks.


Adding to this stress was upstairs neighbors who would bang around at all hours of the night. My job required me to be up at 4:30 am. My roommates were rude and manipulative. To top it all off, my girlfriend whom which I moved across state lines to be with was completely unsupportive of me and would gaslight me.


She gas lit me all the time and at one point I literally thought I was losing my mind because it felt like I was doing things to her without any recollection. She didn't claim I did anything too horrible, just simple stuff like "always interrupting her" or "never listening". The whole situation made me become a shell of a person, withdrawing from friends and hobbies. If i didn't get out of that situation, I'm not sure what I would've done.


Next here some key lyrics that I would like to explain:

"The darkness manifests inside open hearts with hopes to die, moral judgements cloud your mind"

When I wrote this lyric, I pictured myself versus her. I had the open heart and was willing to love, she was more-so incapable of it and I was supposed to just accept everything she did even if it hurt me.

"I'd expect that you'd hide and say you're victimized"

If she had a problem with me, we'd always talk about it. If I had a problem with her, I was actually the problem. She never could be in the wrong.

"Cause I'm no better than you, at least I wear it well"

We were actually pretty similar people. I'll admit I can be toxic at times. That's why we didn't work out. We were both pretty toxic and rigid. There were things that I was willing to do and she wasn't and vice versa.


Anyway, that's all. Buy some merch and listening to my music. Get sad and emo wid me brudda.


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